The past few days have been a real test for me in balancing my energy levels. Over the past year, I’ve come to understand something important about myself: I need time to recharge. When I’m surrounded by people for too long, I lose energy quickly. Add to that a busy mind that rarely switches off, and it’s no surprise that I sometimes find myself running on empty.

This week has been one of those times. Our boat is currently upside down, not literally of course, but it feels that way. We’re in the middle of a big project: converting our batteries to lithium. Once it’s all up and running, it will be wonderful and make life so much easier on board. But right now, everything is in pieces.

I am genuinely grateful for this opportunity. It’s a big investment, but we’ve managed it, we’ve found a skilled expert to guide us, and we’ve secured a good place to get the work done. Yet despite all this gratitude, my energy has completely run out. What should have taken three or four days is now dragging into its sixth, slowed down by missing parts, unexpected challenges, and the inevitable surprises that boats always seem to deliver.

Meanwhile, Edwin is in the Netherlands, busy sorting out our house, another mental marathon in itself. And here I am, stuck between trying to keep things afloat (literally), keeping an eye on Philou, being available for the electrician and mechanic, and somehow also attempting to get my own work done. From early morning until evening, I’m surrounded by people and demands. And as much as I try to embrace it, it drains me.

It’s funny. On paper, it doesn’t sound so bad. Six days by the pool, watching Philou dive in with endless joy, sounds idyllic. And in a way, it is. Which is why I feel resistance to even call it a struggle. How can I complain? But for me, it really is. Edwin and Philou both recharge by doing. They create energy from the things they love. I’m different. I need quiet. I need focus for a few hours in a calm, stimulus-free environment, and then I need to pause, to recharge. Without that, I quickly become overstimulated and exhausted.

Right now, that pause hasn’t happened in a long time. I’m surviving, but I know I’ll need to recover properly afterwards. Hopefully the project will be finished this weekend, and on Friday Edwin will be back, which will make things lighter again. Still, I wonder what I should do differently next time. I try to surrender to the situation, to let go, but when the energy spiral kicks in, it feels unstoppable.

Writing this helps. It gives me clarity. For now, I just need to ride it out and not let my mind take the upper hand. Afterwards, I’ll make a more conscious effort to build in moments of rest, not just in the mornings when I work, but as a structural rhythm, even if it looks different to the rest of the crew. I need that time to recharge, to be a better version of myself.

So no, I’m not really complaining. I’m just being confronted with myself, with how I function differently from others, and how hard that can be to explain. But at the same time, I’m learning. Each experience adds a new page to the handbook I’m slowly writing about myself.

And now? Now I think I’ll take a dive into the pool and let it all go.

In the end, I’m simply learning to accept that I function differently, and that giving myself the space to recharge is not weakness, but part of who I am.

Written by: Mirjam